1.29.2009

great article i want to share

I came across this article this evening that I thought was very well written. It's called "I Married Myself". It's about a single woman, turning 50, who decided to throw herself an "un"wedding. It occured to me while reading this how unfair women are with eachother. And we allow it. I truly hope that we are headed into a more compassionate and considerate time. Here's hoping!

Here's the link: http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/i-married-myself/a/19022

Some Excerpts:

"we singles should not have to put up with being seen as immature, defective human beings whose accomplishments aren’t even worthy of a paper-plate hat covered in tacky bows, let alone a set of china or a $150-a-plate dinner."

"What I was really jealous of was my married friends’ and relatives’ certain knowledge that they were “normal,” that they had a privileged place in society that deserved to be honoured, celebrated and financially supported while I did not. As a single person, I sometimes feel like one of those nuts or bolts or cotter pins left over after you put together an Ikea shelving unit, or maybe like an appendix or a set of tonsils — something that hangs around but serves no real purpose and sometimes gets in the way."

"Where is the soup tureen for building a reasonably successful career? What tax advantage comes with being a faithful aunt, devoted friend or helpful neighbour? Who bought a bridesmaid’s dress when I got my BA at 42? Where, in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, is the Hallmark card that says, “Congratulations, you didn’t marry the wrong guy”? "

"dear friends and relatives who immediately reassured me that I merited such a celebration, that they would be there no matter what, and asked how they could contribute. The penny dropped for my mother a couple of weeks before the party when I got a bit cross with her for asking if my father had to wear a suit. Suddenly she realized I was handing her the opportunity to play mother of the bride again, and she got into the spirit admirably. We had a couple of girlie conversations about centrepieces and flowers, which filled a hole in my heart that I’d never acknowledged was there."

"Five years ago, I think an unwedding party would have seemed to me the height of self-pity — and some of my guests may have been motivated by pity to attend. Yet that night I felt contented with my lot, and was thrilled to be surrounded and honoured by people from every phase and corner of my life, several of whom flew in from a great distance, paid for hotel rooms, dressed up for the occasion and even brought their kids."

"I don’t feel that sense of contentment every day; I go through phases during which I struggle under a crushing load of loneliness, fear and the certainty that I’m a failure. Sadly, I know plenty of married people who go through similar phases. In the end, life is what it is — why not celebrate when we can? On what turned out to be the most important night of my life, I was simply pointing out that human beings deserve to be honoured in all their varied circumstances, and that single people have a significant role to play within families and communities."

"Surely if singlehood weren’t perceived as a fate worse than death, if singles weren’t excluded and infantilized and pitied, fewer people would feel compelled by terror to become involved in unsuitable matches, and everyone would be a lot happier."

"In the future, when my niece and nephews grow up and leave their parents’ homes, I’d like to throw “showers” for them, whether they’re leaving to get married, to go away to school or simply to live independently. There’s more than one way to become an adult." This is a FABULOUS idea that I think needs to be adopted into mainstream. Doesn't it make so much more sense??????