This week, one of my best friend`s dad was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 lung cancer. Her birthday(28th or 29th , i forget please forgive me?) was yesterday. Not very good times. The problem is that I have no idea how to help her. This is beyond my experience. I am lost for words when I speak to her and find myself questioning her in a nervous struggle to say the right thing. Questioning her. I can't imagine she wants to answer my questions right now. So I started by making her the picture above to make an image of how I feel right now and what I want to convey. The other thing I thought of was to appeal to you guys, the blogging world and to ask if any of you could please leave her some words of support, comfort, wisdom or whatever here for her and her younger sisters and their mom. Please help.
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4 days ago
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26 comments:
You are a good friend. Stand by her. I will direct the rest of this comment to her.
My thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this most difficult time. No one knows what will happen at this point. God does perform miracles. The baby of a friend of mine was not expected to survive birth, but is now one month old and is at this moment undergoing the first of several surgeries that should enable him to live a long life.
We can all be comforted that God is ready to welcome us into Paradise for all eternity after having suffered the tribulations of this world. Take the time to think through what your father means to you and tell him. Don't be embarassed to do so. Do it alone or in the presence of family members, but do it. You have been given this gift of time. Not everyone has that gift.
I, too, had my father diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 19. He died a few months later. For a while it hurt so bad to think that he would not be with me for my wedding or the birth of my children or to see me succeed in my career. I later came to realize that he was closer to me than anyone else during those times. It is forty years since he died and I still love him as much and know he is with me still.
Susan, i got goosebumps reading your incredibly thoughtful words!! Thank you SO much!
So sorry to read about your friend, Tricia. My heart goes out to her and her family. I have lost many loved ones in my life and to be a good friend you only need to be there for her - to listen or just be there.
The only words of comfort I can offer are - May God comfort you in your times of sorrow and may His peace surround you.
Tricia, I tried leaving a comment on your blog, but my computer is so slow. It wasn't loading properly. Please forward this comment to her:
My father passed away from cancer in 2002 and I recently lost my husband. Being overwhelmed and devastated, not to mention feeling lost and alone, are just small words to describe what must be your tremendous grief. Please know that there are people out there who are praying for you and for your family, who are sending thoughts your way, and while they may not know your pain, they sympathize with your sorrow. (hug)
Gina
all i can say is that you and your family are in my prayers!!! praying for a miracle, and praying for peace and comfort.
So sorry to hear of this most difficult time.....prayers being sent to you and your friend!!!
2 Corinthians 12:8-10.
‘Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [a thorn in my flesh] away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’
*******
I pray that as your friend goes through this time of great loss and deep sorrow, that she would see just how God is choosing to reveal Himself to her (and already has begun to, as in your precious love and support of her.)
My husband lost his mother to colon cancer at age 52. He was her baby. They were so very close. It was, needless to say, a most difficult time in his life. He felt as though no one could be in that darkest moment with him BUT God. But out of that feeling of isolated pain, his faith grew. Out of that, he became more compassionate and better equipped to comfort others going through similar experiences. Just a few ways he was able to see beauty from the ashes.
I would second what Susan said. My husband grabbed a most precious moment with his mom before she died. I stood outside the room to see that they had a time of uninterrupted privacy, and encouraged him to speak without regret to her. He literally poured out his heart in those minutes alone, and is so glad he did. DO take the time to say what needs to be said. DO share a memory or two with your father and let him know that you'll carry them with you in your heart always.
And please know that others care about what you're going through. I don't know you, but God does, and His love for you is enough to prompt me to pray for you. Both your father and you rest securely in the palm of His all mighty hand.
Blessings,
~Toni~
There are no words for the pain of worrying over a loved one...the only comfort I know is that you can take this time to be honest and say whatever you need to say to your dad...whatever the outcome is, you'll be glad for the chance to say important things. Wishing you peace, comfort, strength and love on the journey.
Lean on your friends and don't be afraid to say, "I need a (hug, nite out, a casserole, a prayer, some company)" whatever you need. They want to feel useful.
Best wishes for the whole family.
Could you and fellow scrapbook artists get together with her and make an album about her Dad? She could bring pictures. Each person there could make a page. He would enjoy the album too and perhaps could share some memories while he is living.
Hey There,
This is such an awesome thing to do for your friend, she is very lucky to have you.
I lost my Dad a few months ago very suddenly, he died only two days after being diagnosed with brain cancer. I wish so much now I had been able to spend more time with him saying the things I thought so often but never said, the whole thing has left a huge hole in my life and a feeling that so much has been left unsaid.
I am so sorry for you having to go through this, but you should look on this time with your Dad as a gift, don't leave those thoughts unsaid and make the most of every minute you have with him.
My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family
Hayley xx
from Janet:
Tricia I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I'm sure that you will be a strong shoulder for her during this time. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
from Valerie:
Oh, how sad, and what a terrible thing to endure. My prayers are with her and her family.
My mother died about 11 years ago from lung cancer. The last 2 weeks, I had the pleasure of being her "nurse". I made up a list of things that were just never spoken of..how did Great Grandpa die, tell me about your courtship with Dad, were you ever in love with someone else, what did you do in high school,...things we never got around to talking about, cause we never had the time to slow down. Not every thing was pleasant, but it helped me know a little more of who she was as a girl..her dreams, her dissappointment, her fears. I wrote every answer down, afraid I would forget one precious word. Then we took out old pictures, labeled them on the back with #1-2047, and she explained who they were, what they were doing at the time, and her emotions. We also prayed together, and I read Bible verses to her. See, she had fallen away from the church, but was reaching out to God for peace and protection from her fear. And it all brought me such a peace and I knew why some things were the way they were in our family. I cherish those moments. And I am sharing them with my brothers, who sadly never took the time to ask. Nothing can take the pain away. But nothing can replace the joy we had together.
DreamGal> thank you SO much for that, your story brought tears to my eyes. I am in awe of the strngth that you mustered up to be able to do it just right with your mom. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story!!!
My mother died of lung cancer in 1990; 5 months after diagnosis. She was 70 and I was not ready for her to 'be gone'. I know the pain, confusion and range of emotions you are feeling right now. It's all so hard. Take pictures together, ask him if he can remember a funny story about you...find out what gives him comfort, try to find joy in the everyday things you can do for and with your father; for that is what you will remember most of these last few moments together. Hospice was my Godsend and I hope you get the support you need. Hugs dear lady.
Tricia.. I agree with everyone else.. you're a great friend. Just be with her when she needs you, there's no need to even say anything, she'll appreciate you being there.. and if she's a caregiver, relieve her of her duty every so often so that she can take a break for herself (get a cup of coffee, read a magazine).
For your friend, I will pray that God will grant her peace and that God will grant her father comfort during this difficult time.
I was in her position 5 yrs ago, when my mom was diagnosed with late stage (4) lung cancer. They also gave her 6 months... she died after 4. It was a very difficult time, but I will pray that God will lift your friend up and sustain her and be with the family .....
I had many great memories with mom, and I stayed to take care of my mom for those 4 months. But what I remember about her was all those years I got to spend with her. And that is important to all of us. I hope your friend will be able to cherish that too....
Sending hugs from sb.com...
-Shirley
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